For a moment there was spring.
A brief reflection on what I learned my last semester at university.
This very public and very real journal is something that’s been on my heart for a while now. I’ve always given the excuse that I don’t have the time or the experience for something like a blog. But a stack of sticky notes and albums of memories scream at me otherwise. This is my attempt to share something with you that has moved me. Sights I’ve seen, places I’ve been, people I’ve met, and words I’ve felt. This a collection of moments that move my heart.
Jazz music has been swirling around my mind lately. Mainly when I’m at Cala and the streets are soaked and the people are in raincoats. I sit inside and I wonder at my life and how I came to this place with these memories. How I have this list of things to do and books to read and emails to reply to. I often wonder where I would be if my mother had never bought a camera and never let me borrow it. I like to daydream.
I’ve spent years searching for meaning and trying to find hope in in the things I wanted to be right and places I wanted to fit into. But in all my searching it was not I who found something, rather God who found me. He came and dwelt among the people around me and gave me a home in a place I never thought to search. My years at Bama were the most exquisite. I learned a new language, met people from places I’d only read about, visited a new country and found mercy around every corner. My dreams fell apart only to bring new dreams together. And my heart was broken to be made new.
My last semester was magic. Mondays I’d be greeted by the trees on my street and the orange sunlight that beamed down on my face. My walk to campus was only twelve minutes but knowing it would only be mine for a few more weeks made feel like it was never long enough. Tuesdays I convinced students to study abroad, spoiler alert! I never had to work very hard. Wednesdays were for waffles. Thursdays were often filled with catch up coffee dates and homework I should have done earlier. Fridays were never a real day of the week. Unless I had work, Fridays were spent in the sun, running around Tuscaloosa with friends, or chatting with people at International Coffee Hour. Saturdays for the famers market, and Sundays for time at home where we’d bake and catch up while cooking dinner in the kitchen.
denny chimes <3
People often ask me what I learned in my final semester of undergrad. I usually pause for a very long time and ask myself the question again. Sometimes I give a brief overview about gratitude and work ethic, which is not a lie. I did learn those things. But what sticks with me the most is this idea of light. Ever since I was a kid and my mom let me borrow her camera, I loved photographing windows and the shadows they would give. As I grew older sunsets and sunrises became my fixation and then stars and then light up signs at cafes. When I started driving, I loved skylines and city lights and big buildings with bright lights.
golden girls
leah is the sweetest
Around my second year at university, I started taking more photos of my friends and family. Photos when we’d have coffee, or photos of our favorite meals together. Pictures of our outfits before an evening out or photos of our morning at a bakery. And it wasn’t until a couple weeks ago that I realized these images are not only photos of people, they are photos of all the places I saw light in my life. Moments of laughter at Loosa, my favorite band at Druid City, card games in my living room and concerts off my balcony. All the light I wanted to see was placed before me in the form of friends and family loving me through some of the most challenging years of my life.
I’ve been driving in the rain a lot lately. And normally I’m more of a sunshine person who enjoys the sun beating down on the road while I cruise. But I’ve really appreciated the rain for a couple reasons. The rain forces me to slow down. I have to go at the pace nature allows me. This automatically slows my thoughts and gives me more time to think. I can sit still and observe my life. This often leads me to thanksgiving and humility. And that sounds so simple, but when I am running around at blazing speed, I often forget that. And you’re probably thinking, yeah joh, that makes sense. But sometimes I think we go around thinking we’re the only ones feeling some-kind-of-way and I just wanted to say, I feel the same way too.
In closing, I’m here to say what all our parents have been saying. Life is short. Don’t get so caught up in making a living that you forget to live. People are kind, the world is vast, and love is everywhere. If we take the time to see it.
I hope you see these memories and they inspire you to go into the world and make your own.
Talk soon,
joh
saw a photo of you? download it here.
